I Planted Wildflowers

I planted wildflowers today,
not with the joy I had imagined,
but with sorrow heavy in my heart,
settled deep,
for the loss of all I had dreamed.

I sat for a while,
still,
bare hands resting in the grass,
tears beginning to fall.

I berated myself,
scolding, they will all see…
but just this once,
I wanted to be true
to every depth within me.

I wanted them free,
just as I had always
dreamt of being.

The rain is coming,
slow, certain, unbound…
perhaps summoned
by this sorrow I have held.

Still, I placed the seeds.
Each one a breath,
a question,
a prayer.
And the soil received
them quietly.

A crow watched from the shed.
I did not speak aloud,
but every part of me
reached for her...
hoping she might stay,
might see,
leaving me less lonely.

I sit now,
in the falling rain,
cradling this sliver of hope:

Someday,
my heart too
will bloom.